Friday, December 26, 2014

Is this Love?

I don't know how to do this. It's all so new for me. Is what I feel love? It's not like the warm bubbly, exhilarating feeling that I've had before, the ones that would vanish almost as quickly as the feelings had come. No this was slow steady, out of no where and against what I was trying to tell myself.
What is true? What my heart is feeling or what my brain is saying? Both are at war with each other.

Brain: "He's not what your looking for, you two wouldn't work!"
Heart: "He will treat you so well. and you love him."
Brain: "You don't love him! You just like it that he makes you feel worth something! You'r going to break his heart leading him on that you love him."
Heart: "You do love him! and he love God, he'd be great for you."
Brain: "You're going to make a mistake and get stuck with the wrong guy!"
Heart: "If you both love God then it'll all work. You've been slamming the door in guys faces before you even give them a chance to see you, and now that a guy has seen through the keyhole and is knocking for you to see him. you try to shut him out like you did with all the others, by saying you won't work."
Brain: "Trust your first instinct! He won't work."
Heart: "You'll never know till you get to know him."
Brain: "Your going to lead him on and break his heart! You don't want to do that to him, he's to good to deserve that!"

Me: "Stop!!"

I need to stop thinking, Just get to know him as a friend, be friends for now.


Monday, December 22, 2014

Is This Meant to Be?

This has been happening all so fast
A nagging question plays on in my head
Will this love we have be able to last?
A heartbreak on my hand is what I dread.

How do I know if it's real?
Are we meant to be?
I don't know what to feel
God is he the one for me?

~Gwen Austin

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

The Blank Page

I hold my pencil above the paper longing to draw, yet the page remains white, image-less. I search for inspiration, still nothing comes. I need to let my feelings out in a creation of pencil strokes, but how can I when I don't know what I'm feeling. I'm not depressed, nor am I happy. I can't write my feelings, words for them have abandoned me long ago. My new outlet was drawing and even now its failing me. The page taunts me with it's nothingness, or maybe that's my feelings, nothing. Can you feel nothing? Would you be able to look at this paper before me and know that's what I feel? Nothing... How can I draw nothing?...
       ~ Gwendolyn Austin

Saturday, March 15, 2014

A Boost in Confidence

It's crazy what some exercise and determination can do to your day. This morning I went to the gym, and did some laps in the pool to get ready for a swim instructor training I have in a week. At the beginning I was having trouble with getting in a whole lap of front crawl, I kept getting water in my mouth. I had a moment of panic, and had to pause and do breaststroke instead. For a while I just did breaststroke and back crawl. I wasn't sure of myself, front crawl has always been the hardest stroke for me. Finally when I was taking a breather I stared at the other end of the pool and told myself I could get there doing front crawl, I couldn't get worst then a mouthful of water and have to stop for a second, but I WAS going to get to the end. So put my goggles on and took off, and I made it with out stopping! After that my whole day went by great! Just some determination in myself can boost my confidence in my life.
Until next time!

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Dull Days

Sometime days just seem lifeless, no matter what you do your day is dull and drawn out. Today was one of those days. Sleep was restless, and I got out of bed earlier then I usually do on Wednesday. I went to the orthodontics got braces on for the second time, did a short work out, and watched a movie. Occasionally, I would eat some soft food that isn't very substantial. That was my usual boring day, nothing to report about.
Until Tomorrow.